Being the Calmest Person in the Room
Being the Calmest Person in the Room
I’m currently reading (AKA, I’m listening on Audible) to a book called The Worry-Free Parent by Sissy Goff. I highly recommend if you’re a parent and the whole job description feels overwhelming at times.
There’s a line in the book that has really stuck with me— “your job as a leader is to be the calmest person in the room.”
While the author meant this to be about emotion regulation in the context of parenting and family life, I think it applies to business owners and our work contexts as well.
My job is to be the calmest person in the room….
for my clients.
If you’ve never heard of mirror neurons, here’s a quick summary.
Mirror neurons are incredible brain cells that become active when observing others’ body language and behavior. They cause us to somewhat unconsciously mimic what we see in order to better understand what another is experiencing internally, enabling us to better connect and relate.
So basically, when your clients get stressed, your mirror neurons try to match their energy by prompting a stress response in you. But when you’re able to respond calmly, your clients’ mirror neurons will responsively calm them down. So, a very practical thing you can do to improve the experience of working together is learn strategies for deescalating your own nerves when confronted with stress. The book shares some great ways to practice!
for my team.
As a leader of a tiny remote team of women who all operate separate roles on different schedules, level-headedness in our day-to-day communication is crucial. I would love to be a perfect example in this regard. Am I normally? Haha no, not at all.
As the owner of this small business, I’m the most emotionally, financially, and spiritually (lol) attached to the details. When our clients send a frustrated email, my impulse is to become defensive. But if I get frustrated, my team is more likely to also get frustrated, and then we risk not representing our expertise as well as we could have otherwise. Generally, the people we lead follow our tone. At Sela Vie, I want to build a culture of calm understanding, clear boundaries, and excellence in our work and communication.
for my child/family.
Back to the book’s main topic. All the principles discussed above apply most directly to your child(ren)! Studies have shown that parents who (through a lottttttt of practice, and by repairing after moments when they blow it, because we ALL blow it) are able to use discipline as a way to support instead of punish produce the most regulated, self-confident, and successful children.
Which is to say, while our bodies’ responses are not our fault, it is our responsibility when within our households our anxiety breeds more anxiety and our anger breeds more anger.
But take heart because, inversely, CALM breeds CALM, and calm can be practiced. Doing so definitely isn’t the easiest or most natural road, but it feels to me like one pursuing.
The Worry-Free Parent by Sissy Goff
Get the book here.
What about you?
Let me know if you’ve witnessed any of these dynamics taking place among your clients, team, or family. I would love to learn from you!
